Dear Auntie Vera,
 
Yesterday my boyfriend and I decided to take a trip into the country, upon reaching our scenic destination, we decided to have a picnic, we had only just started on our cucumber sandwiches when a brutish man approached us and demanded we leave the area immediately.
 
We then proceeded to drive a little further down the road and parked at what we thought was a more appropriate and secluded spot we were finishing our blueberry muffins when the same brutish man once again approached us and tried bullying us into moving again.
 
This time I had had enough and let fly with a verbal tirade to which my long term companion of 3 months had never seen, with this the man fled and was not seen again.
 
Auntie Vera can you tell me is this normal country folk behavior or were we just unlucky?
 
Lots of Love
 
Country Road Take Me Home

Dear Country Road Take Me Home,
 
Isn’t it terrible that in this day and age of enlightened thinking that one should still encounter such homophobia, I myself being a real woman have never had to endure such abuse, however I have heard it does happen, thankfully not as much these days as would have been common 20 or even 10 years ago.
 
Our country brothers still have a little way to go before they catch up with us enlightened inner city folk.
 
I wonder indeed if you are actually describing the lovely Daylesford area where this occurred and in fact if this is the case are you actually sure it was a brutish man chasing you off and not one of our more territorial, masculine lesbian sisters?
 
In any case I hope your next drive into the country is more relaxing than the one you have had recently.
 
XXXX
 
Auntie Vera  

Dear Auntie Vera
 
The other day I set off for work, leaving my husband in the house watching TV as usual.
 
I hadn’t gone a hundred meters down the road when my engine conked out and the car shuddered to a halt. I walked back home to get my husband’s help. When I got home I found him in the bedroom, I couldn’t believe my eyes. He was parading in front of the mirror dressed in my underwear and high heel shoes, and he was wearing my make up.
 
I am 32, my husband is 34 and we have been married for 12 years. When I confronted him, he tried to make out that he had dressed up my lingerie because he couldn’t find any of his own underwear. But when I asked him about the make up, he broke down and admitted that he has been wearing my clothes for six months. I told him it had to stop, or I would leave him.
 
He was made redundant from his job six months ago, and he says he has been feeling increasingly depressed and worthless. I love him very much, but ever since I gave him the ultimatum, he has become increasingly distant, and I don’t feel I can get through to him any more. Please can you help?
 
Cross At Crossies

Dear Cross At Crossies
 
A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a variety of faults in the engine. Start by checking that there is no debris in the fuel line. If it is clear check the jubilee clips holding the vacuum pipes onto the inlet manifold. If none of these approaches solves the problem, it could mean that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the carburetor float chamber.
 
I hope this helps
 
With Love
 
Auntie Vera
 
XXXX

Dear Auntie Vera,
 
I recently returned home form an overseas trip to find that my drag wear had been used by my flat mate, I was most distraught about having had my ladies things rummaged thru, more disturbing was the fact that it appeared my house mate had been giving pleasure to someone whilst dressed in my best sequin dress and wig.
 
Auntie Vera can you tell me how I should now react to my housemate and what should I do with my pride and joy sequin dress?
 
Yours Truly,
 
 
At Wits End

Dear At Wits End,
 
Firstly may I say how sorry I am that someone you left entrusted to guard your sacred drag items has done the unthinkable and worn them without your permission and indeed seems to have done worse by soiling your prized sequin outfit.
 
To Be honest I think there is only one thing for you to do (depending on if you can bare to wear the garment and wig again of course) and that is to burn the costume with the wig and throw the housemate out, of course this also works in reverse with the obvious legal implications should you wish to do so.
 
With Love
 
 
Auntie Vera

Dear Auntie Vera,
 
Recently I heard that you and your husband were connected to some sort of underworld activity and that you have derived income from less than savoury means, would you mind answering whether this is indeed true or not.
 
Yours truly,
 
 
Operation Handbag

Dear Operation Handbag,
 
I think you may have heard incorrectly, are you sure you didn’t hear that we were connected to underwear activity?
 
I can assure all my treasured readers that all of Auntie Vera’s business activities are 100% legal, and unlike some Auntie Vera pays her taxes.
 
Perhaps this chatter may have come from having some very high profile and colourful friends, and our involvement with the funeral industry, however our main business activity is marketing and property investment nothing sinister as you have suggested.
 
From time to time rumours will be spread about anyone who maybe high profile and Auntie Vera takes all of these stories in her stride, I am sure over the coming weeks even more chatter will spew forth from the annals of Dragdom most of this will undoubtedly be incorrect, this is all part of the make up of being part of such a vibrant and diverse community and Auntie Vera loves a good story as much as the next person.
 
I hope this helps you sleep at night Pet,
 
And remember to only judge people on how they treat you.
 
XXXXX
 
Auntie Vera

Dear Auntie Vera,
 
Just writing to say I really appreciated the observations you made about human nature, the gay scene & corporate culture in this month's Q Mag column. Having been the butt of such outlandish shenanigans at work myself for the very same reasons you described in the column, I know only too well what you're talking about, & I liked your unique perspective on it, very insightful I thought, & put some more pieces of the puzzle together for me.
 
I have a question about drag by the way. I used to go out in drag with an old partner in crime & she did my makeup, & being an artiste, she was fabulous at it. I'd like to try out as a performer too, & I have sone original ideas & songs that I think people would like (& premier DQ's would want to tear my throat out for in a jealous rage because mama knows she's good, & once I'm on the scene, they're going to have to accept this bitch as another professional drag!) but I know nothing about makeup & was wondering
if you had any tips on how to start out? Thanks,
 
love,
 
Haden :)

Dear Auntie Vera,
 
I saw your ad in the gay press and was wondering if you had any tips on how best to launch a stage career in drag, I am new to Melbourne however have performed  once in Adelaide in a drag competition, I found the experience a little unnerving, as I am sure you are aware drag can be very competitive at the best of times let alone in competition. Auntie Vera can you enlighten me on the best way to go about becoming a drag Diva here in Melbourne.
 
Love the website by the way.
 
Carmen

Dear Carmen,
 
I agree some drag competitions can be a little daunting, however some have been known to launch careers for some performers here in Melbourne, I also think that the problem with some of these competitions is that they can be a less than welcoming start to the wonderful world of drag. There are clubs in Melbourne that will allow a young diva on the stage to show their skill, from memory my dear sisters Barbra Quicksand and Miss Candee allow the odd performance on a Sunday at the Exchange Hotel, you could also try Friday Night at the Grosvenor Hotel and see if my other dear sister Cherry Ripe would like some extra entertainment.
 
You could also try finding a mentor within the professional drag fraternity, I do know many who are willing to help a young drag find her way in the heady world of wigs and glitter. Do be careful to chose wisely though as there are those that once your star has commenced it’s meteoric rise, actively seek to see it fall.
 
If you do want to try one of the competition nights around town you could try Starsearch at the Exchange Hotel on a Wednesday Night, or, later in the year I believe Miss Melbourne Drag will once again be seeking to find Melbourne’s best young upcoming drag performer.
 
Hope this Helps on your Quest.
 
XXX
Auntie Vera